Top Ten Tips for Behaviour
There are times when we want to modify our children's behaviour and for children with communication disability it is good to have some structure in our own minds before we make an attempt to change things.Here are some suggestions …..they are by no means definitive.
1.Plan
Life is great when filled with spontaneity and serendipity but if you wish to change a piece of behaviour you need to be strategic and formulate how you are going to achieve it.2.Choose
Choose the piece of behaviour you would like to change. Don't choose a huge behaviour such as ‘ I want her to do what she's told'. Go for something small. ‘Put your coat on the first time you are asked'. ‘Hold my hand to cross the road.'3. Be Consistent
Clearly define in your mind what you want to change in the way of behaviour. Be consistent in your expectations. Make those expectations very explicit to your child. Children will test the boundaries again and again and they need you to be consistent. They need to hit the same brick wall every time.
And stick to it even if you or your child is tired, if you do not there will be a chink in your armour and the child will find it again and again and each time the chink will widen. You will fail to change the piece of behaviour. You need to positively reinforce the behaviour you want all the time.4. Sing From the Same Hymn Sheet
This is linked to being consistent. Make sure everyone involved with the child sings from the same hymn sheet. Children will play parents off against each other, child minders, grandparents, carers, school! You will have much more success if everyone knows what your expectations are. Don't be afraid to ‘script' the instructions either! Agree on what you are going to say.Disagree in private…..if your partner gets it ‘wrong', talk about it afterwards not in front of the child. Don't confuse the message any more than you need.
5. Rewards
Reward the good behaviour. Rewards must be instant with instant praise, the correct behaviour is positively reinforced and remembered. Endeavour to ignore the wrong things! Try not to give attention and reward for the things that are undesirable. If things are dangerous or life threatening of course that must not be ignored. But picking ones nose could be? It depends on what you plan is!Don't reward poor behaviour. A child having a temper tantrum in the checkout queue does not need the reward of sweets. Try to ignore them and all the other people who you think are staring, don't be embarrassed, stick it out.
6. Be Positive
Nobody likes to be nagged. It makes both the nagger and the nagged miserable. But more importantly the word ‘not' in a sentence is far too subtle for those with communication disability. Say, 'Lets put the toys away!'' instead of, ‘Don't leave the toys out! ‘The not' part will not be heard or understood. It will be omitted and so you've said leave the toys out! The opposite of what you want to achieve.7. Thinking Time
Some children need time to process language. Give one request at a time and wait for them to think and do. If your child had a status bar on his forehead like your computer tool bar you would see the blocks appearing and you'd give it time and probably not get too impatient.8. Consequences
All behaviour needs a consequence- an instant reward or praise or an immediate sanction. ‘Just wait till your father gets you home' is no good. The child will have forgotten what the unwanted behaviour was. Do not say anything that you are not prepared to carry out. If you threaten something. ‘If you do that again, you won't play on the playstation, Carry it out! Otherwise the child will be confused and see it as a chink in your armour and the unwanted behaviour will persist.9.Rewards and Sanctions
Charts, pictures, symbols can all help you to record successes. You may also like to use red and yellow cards as warnings. Especially useful if rough and tumble play is happening with a brother or sister or the neighbour's children.Use a traffic light chart. Define the criteria for success and stick to them. If the rules are black and white and very clear the child will grasp them quicker. State what actions will get a green sticker, what will get an orange sticker and what will be red.
And ignore the rest!
10. Be kind to yourself
Parenting is the most complex and challenging role in anyone's life and none of us have formal training, we are all human and all make mistakes and amazingly the population has survived! Don't feel guilty if you are not getting it right all the time. Try to be consistent , positive, carry out sanctions and rewards promptly, and look back from time to time and see how you have helped your child through to greater maturity and more desirable behaviour.There will be times when you feel it is a constant battle, but short term pain will give a long term gain.
Good luck with your planning and trying out of these tips. I am sure many of them you've thought of already!
Conversation Skills / Tips: How To Have A Good Conversation
1) Be Genuinely Interested - The point of a conversation is to communicate with the other person, meaning you need to actually want to talk them to begin with! If you don’t know why you are having a conversation, then you probably shouldn’t be having it! Of course there would be awkward silences if you have nothing to talk about! Genuine interest in another person is essential to keeping the conversation flowing and making both people feel comfortable.
If you actually have something to say, you can always state your reason for wanting to talk to the other person. For example, “I am new to the area and would like to get to know the people here”, “I want to know about mechanical engineering and heard that you were a graduate here”, “I like you and would like to get to know you better”, “I’m studying people and would like to know who you are as a person”, “I always see you here and was wondering who you are”, etc. There would never be any awkward silences in this case because you know what you want to talk about!
Of course, if you did state your desires and the other person looks like he/she feels nervous or uncomfortable with the subject, stop. You can try to find another topic to talk about, or talk with someone else you are interested in. For example, if you said “I want to know about mechanical engineering and heard that you were a graduate here” and the other person tells you that he/she is not, then you can simply move on to something else you are interested in about this person. You can say, “Oh, I’m also new to the area and would like to meet people” or “Oh okay, thanks! Do you know anyone who happens to know about mechanical engineering?”! If that was your only point of interest with this person, you can say “Oh, thanks!” and just go to someone more interesting.
Even if you are genuinely interested in someone, they might not want to satisfy your particular interest. Remember that conversation is a two way street and should occur naturally. Both people should want or need to talk about something!
2) Make The Other Person Feel Comfortable - It may not be so easy to get the other person to satisfy your interest if they don’t trust your motives or feel uncomfortable disclosing information that they deem to be sensitive. For example, you may say to someone of the opposite sex, “Hi, I’m new to the area and would like to meet some people”, but if you are smiling at him/her creepily, he/she might think you want to molest him/her or something.
Therefore, it’s always good to smile and appear friendly and harmless. Then, if the topic is sensitive, you might want to [[build up some trust]] first by disclosing some information about yourself. Introduce yourself, tell them what you do, let the other person know you’re not a serial killer. Then, whether directly or indirectly, disclose your purpose so that they know why they should talk to you!
For example, as I am writing this article on the train, a guy just sat next to me and started asking me, “Where are you from?” The whole time, I am thinking, “What do you want?” There are clearly other seats on the train, and he did not demonstrate some reason why he would like to speak to me. So, the most probable reason is that he wants to make some small talk to pass the time, but I’m someone who’s sitting there typing on a computer. Obviously, there should be some important reason for interrupting me! Additionally, he is sitting way too close to me, making me feel uncomfortable.
When I did answer, he gave me a weird laugh and kept asking me other questions as if he didn’t hear my answer. He also started reading my article out loud, one word at a time, very slowly. He doesn’t look stoned, but is staring creepily at my article, trying to read it. Even though he seems to pretend not to understand, the gaze in his eyes seems to say that he does, so I have absolutely no idea what he wants. As he asks me more questions without answering any of mine in return, I am forced to ignore him.
3) Listen Carefully - This is the next most natural thing to do if you’re actually interested in the person! You are talking to him/her because you want to know what he/she says, right? So wouldn’t it make sense to listen to what the other person is saying? However, like in the situation with the guy who sat down next to me and started talking above, it is surprising how often we don’t do that!
Not only is it insulting to the other person, it defeats the point of having a conversation in the first place! Since people talk because there is a need to communicate, by not listening, that need is not being fulfilled! How can you have a conversation when it’s essentially just one person talking? That is a TV station broadcasting a show, not a conversation!
The guy sitting next to me right now is the perfect example. He is asking me questions and I am occasionally answering, but he doesn’t really react to my answers. It’s as if I never said anything. That’s just a radio channel of some guy. A very bad radio channel.
4) Give The Other Person Time To Think/Speak - In order to listen though, the other person needs to actually be saying something! And they can’t do that if you are talking, right? Just like you don’t want the other person to become a boring TV show, you wouldn’t want to become one for the other person either! So, after you have talked for a minute or two, make sure to pause and give the other person a chance to speak!
Oftentimes, especially if the conversation is interesting, it may take a while for that person to process the information that has been said. This means that even if there is a silence for minutes, he/she is probably just thinking, so let him/her think! Don’t make them uncomfortable by becoming impatient or saying something yourself. Don’t speak again until the other person has given you some sort of indication that they heard you and understand you! You’re just giving them time to give you an insightful response!
Wouldn’t that turn into an awkward silence then, you may ask? Actually, no!! When both people have the understanding that the break is for time to think, it’s actually very very comfortable! In fact, when I talk with the the girl I’m in love with on the phone, we sometimes say nothing for five minutes That’s right, a phone call with 5 minutes of silence! Yet, it’s extremely comfortable because we know the other person is just thinking and taking it all in.
If you have a continued need to keep talking when there is a silence, not only do you not hear what the other person says, the conversation is actually much shorter. It’s simple math:
Top 10: Great Date Conversation Tips
These are like follows:
TODAY'S TIPS. NB: Nobody can treat you better than yourself does. - You better judge yourself first then do it to another. -Your future can be determine by your actions.
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